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Come the first of the year, I always like to establish new
goals for myself. Physical goals, financial goals and
spiritual goals. This year I prayed to God to assist me in
loving my wife, as He intends me to love her. Our marriage is
wonderful, and Wendy is a great lady, but I know there
is always room for growth. About one week later I received a
call from my friend, Eleanor Chambliss, asking me to be the
Laity Sunday speaker in February. This is quite the task and
honor, so I requested some time to think about it and told her
I would contact her by the following day. Over the next hour
or two, the Lord seemed to be pushing me to say yes, and even
more evident was his calling to speak on that very subject of
my goals for this year. So I called Eleanor back that
afternoon and said "Yes." Of course, Eleanor is one
of those special people to whom I could never say
"No." I knew I was doomed the minute she made the
request.
My prayer for this Lenten season is that I could incorporate
into my daily life everything I discuss with you today. There
is untold power in praying to God. Allow me.
Dear Heavenly Father, I pray for a calm spirit. Grant me the
ability to eloquently convey my message today, so that it
would glorify you, and be beneficial to this congregation. I
also request that this congregation will find humor at just
the right points during my sermon. Amen.
Now I know the Lord answers prayers. I will try not to let you
down.
Praying for your husband, wife, children, parents and loved
ones is the most powerful thing we can do to ensure that God
is directing our lives. Constant communication with the One
who created us is critical to success in everything we do.
Today I am going to address, most specifically, the men in the
congregation; however, these prayer principles pertain to
everyone, for every reason. Whether you are 8 or 80, single or
married, male or female, praying to God daily is the key to
staying on the right path.
Let’s face it, men. By the time we are ready to get married,
we have developed our own personal habits. We bring a
multitude of life’s experiences and many preconceived
notions into the marriage. The same, and then some, holds true
for our future wives. This is a tall order, to be sure. Either
God has a tremendous sense of humor, or desires to see us
continually grow. My guess is both.
The world views marriage much differently than we as
Christians do. The secular world tends to have a far more
relaxed view of marriage. This is evidenced by the growing
number of divorces in the world today. There is a little joke
that illustrates this view to an extreme.
Young seven-year-old Johnny is at his cousin’s wedding,
sitting with his older brother, Jeff. Toward the end of the
ceremony, Jeff asks Johnny: "How many women can one man
marry?" Young Johnny answers immediately: "16!"
Surprised by the quick answer and high number, Frank asks why
he feels that it is 16. Johnny says: "It’s simple. As
Dr. Ritter was just saying, 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer and 4
poorer, and that equals 16."
Now that’s a silly interpretation from a child’s
perspective of marriage. However, it sometimes feels like that
is how so many who don’t know the Lord view the sanctity of
marriage.
God intends for our marriage to be fulfilling, but we must
love our spouses as Christ loves us. That’s why a man’s
communication with his wife is dependent on his communication
with the Father. The power of prayer can defuse the bombs set
by the enemy intended to destroy us. Without prayer, we leave
the success of our marriage, our children and our families to
chance and our own wisdom. And I’m just not that smart.
Is there anything about your wife that you would like to
change? Praying for those changes invites God to do great
things in our lives. What great resources await us by praying.
The result will affect your wife as well as yourself.
The most important place I can begin is by praying that God
would make me the man, husband and father He wants me to be.
We need to pray with a clean heart. Psalm 66:18 reads:
"If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not
hear." Our hearts also have to be right when we pray.
The Bible says: "Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with
understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker
vessel, and being heirs together of the grace of life, that
your prayers may not be hindered." (1 Peter 3:7) This
means we must recognize our wife’s need for love and
protection, and that we must honor our wives in our thoughts
and actions. When we do not, our prayers are hindered.
Marriage is like a garden. The soil is enriched and prepared
through prayer. You must plant the right seeds in your
marriage garden. This is the beginning of next year’s
harvest. These seeds are love, compassion, fidelity,
communication and trust. Before you can have a truly plentiful
garden, you must spend time taking care of it, watering,
weeding and cultivating the soil. This holds true for our
marriages, as well. We must work hard to keep our marriages
growing strong and pest-free. In order to maintain this clean
garden we must build a barrier around it, and keep watch over
our boundaries. Be careful not to carelessly plant any seeds
outside the boundaries of your marriage, or they will become
prey to hungry animals just waiting to devour and destroy what
we have worked so hard to protect. Don’t let your fence
weaken. Keep it strong. Prayer keeps it strong.
One of the key seeds to plant in your marriage garden is the
seed of communication. There is a right way and a wrong way to
communicate with our wives and children. Communication that
emanates from a loving, caring and sensitive heart, is the
fuel that will allow you to fly to your ultimate successful
marriage destination. For example, here is a scenario that
shows the wrong way and the right way to communicate with your
wife. After a long day for both of you, you come home to your
wife and mild chaos, and you proceed to say to your wife,
"What have you been doing all day?" Bad way to start
the evening. A better way to phrase that would be, "Man,
you must have been really busy today." And the best way
to communicate with your lovely bride is, "You know,
Honey, I have always loved you in that robe." We men too
frequently jump to communication conclusions that send our
wives to that place we have to dig ourselves out of.
God has asked us to pray for our enemies. How much more does
he expect us to pray for the ones we love most?
There’s a wonderful book by Stormie Omartian called The
Power of a Praying Husband. In this book, Stormie talks
about some key prayer principles.
There are five key categories that we can focus our prayers on
from a passage in 1 Peter 3:8. The passage reads, "All of
you be of one mind, having compassion for one
another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted and
courteous." Those categories are: one mind,
compassion, love, tenderhearted and courteous.
To Be of One
Mind. There is nothing like being in sync with your
spouse. It’s one of the greatest feelings when all cylinders
are firing. Conversely, having strife in your marriage is one
of the worst feelings. Prayer is the key by which harmony in
the marriage relationship can be maintained. Because men and
women are so very different (even to the point of being from
different planets, according to one author), it is exceedingly
easy to go down completely separate paths. You and your wife
may have separate jobs, interests and views of life, but when
you regularly pray for one another, it keeps you in tune with
each other and on the right path.
Be Compassionate. Have
you ever seen your wife suffering, but you didn’t know why?
Diving into that suffering can be very scary, but pulling her
out of it is most rewarding. Avoid saying things like,
"What in the world is wrong with you?" and "Don’t
you think you’re overreacting?" It’s better to first
pray, "Lord, reveal to me what is happening to my wife,
and give me the words and compassion to understand and assist
her back to happiness." The key to being compassionate is
to be a good listener. I mean a really good listener. Not the
type of listening while watching TV, or the kind of listening
we men frequently do with that glazed-over look in our eyes.
Women can spot this type of listening a mile away. Men, pray
to God that He will give you a heart of compassion toward your
wife, and the patience to listen to her when she really needs
you to. This is a fine art worth mastering. It can get you to
places in your marriage you only dreamed of being.
Be Loving. Jesus
loves us with fidelity, purity, consistency and compassion. We
need to be more like Jesus and love our wives in the same way.
Because we need to be one with our wives, we need to treat our
wives as we would our own body. The Bible commands: "Let
each one of you in particular so love his own wife as
himself." (Ephesians 5:33) It’s a funny thing I have
discovered. It seems the more I love my wife, the more
beautiful she becomes. So men, ask God to increase your love
for your wife and enable you to show her this love in a way
that makes her become more beautiful. She will feel more
beautiful and you will think she is more beautiful. It’s
win-win!
Be Tenderhearted. Is
there anything about your wife that bothers you? You can
insert your husband, your children, your parents and your
friends, but for this scenario, let’s use your wife. Do you
ever find yourself wanting to change her, or something about
her? What happens when you try to force a change in her?
Usually disaster! She is highly intuitive and can sense your
frustration. For example, are you neat and your wife is not?
Pray that God will help her organize her things better,
or that she not take on more than she can handle. Above all,
don’t let the frustration, irritation or demeaning attitude
creep into your soul. Criticism intended to make your wife
change, doesn’t work. So rather than be impatient with your
wife’s weaknesses, ask God to give you a tender heart so
that you can pray for them. This particular prayer request is
probably more appropriate for women to pray for their husband’s
weaknesses. Lord knows we all have them.
Be Courteous: Do
you ever talk to your wife in a way that would be considered
rude? Are you nice to everyone else all day, but when you get
home you take out any frustration or anger on your wife? Do
you ever criticize your wife? From my own experience, if you
answered yes to any of these, there are only two words I have
to say. STOP THAT! Don’t let words turn into weapons of
criticism that can destroy that which you have worked so hard
to preserve. Praying first before you address a sensitive
subject will give your words power to ensure that you speak
from the right heart.
Wives were created as gifts from God to complete us. She must
be treated like a precious gift from God, for she will prove
to be your greatest asset if you honor and value her. Pray to
God to help you speak to your wife in a courteous way that is
pleasing in his sight, and to convict you when you do not.
Praying about these five biblical directives will transform
your life and your marriage. Since God tells us to "be
transformed" (Romans 12:2), that must mean there is
always room for improvement. Ask God to make you everything He
created you to be, so you and your wife will always be
a winning team.
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