Sermon:
January 20, 2002
Sunday Night Alive!  

Scripture:
Proverbs 22:6

The title of my sermon comes from the scary story of a good man who, in the midst of errands with his very small children, left his infant son in his car seat—on the roof of his car. While on the highway, he looked in his rearview mirror only to see his son’s car seat skidding down the highway with the little boy in it. Had another car been behind him, it would have been a brutal tragedy.

Why do I share this scary story? Because I think that little boy skidding down the highway is a good picture of today’s children. They are cruising at breakneck speed with all kinds of things coming at them. Sometimes I picture today’s generation of children as toddlers in the median. We need to do more than give them a helmet. How do we lead them safely down life’s highway? Our children today need us as much as ever.

Obviously this is not a class in parenting (although our church offers a lot of opportunities to help parents). Today I want to open the door to God’s view of parenting and offer a word of encouragement to those of you who take part in the lives of children.

Our children need our focused attention. David Jeremiah says the number one problem affecting today’s family is nothing. That’s it, nothing. Parents today are good, godly and busy. We are in danger of leaving no time for our children.

About four years ago, a hot-shot speaker promoting his new book stood up in our sanctuary as part of a local parenting community organization and spoke to a full house. His advice was that "it’s the quality, not the quantity of time that matters" when it comes to bringing up our kids. It was all I could do not to stand up and shout, "Liar!" Have you ever noticed, when adults are talking among themselves, no one talks much about the "quantity time?" Believe me, if I could predict when the quality time was going to occur, I’d be there! I wouldn’t worry about the rest of the time. But since I don’t know when those precious little moments are going to occur, I have to be there for all the rest of that time we call "quantity" time.

Kids today need attention. They need listening and understanding. (Now don’t replay all the stuff you haven’t done. Remember, God wants to take us where we are right now and work through us.) Stephen Covey tells of the importance of listening first in focusing attention. He counseled the father of a teen who said, "I just don’t understand my son. He won’t listen to me." (In order to understand and connect, we need to listen). A Chicago teen ran away from home, leaving his parents a note that read, "I’m looking for someone with time."

Susannah Wesley was the mother of John and Charles Wesley and their dozen or so siblings. She home schooled her children. John and Charles attended Oxford a couple years after their home schooling with Susannah. Each week, with all those children in her home, Susannah spent a prescheduled hour with each child, one on one, talking about their faith, their decisions, and things that were happening. When John Wesley was an adult, Susannah wrote John. John, in his reply about a particular problem, wrote, "Oh, Mother, what I’d give for a Thursday evening…" Thursday evenings were John’s time with his mother.

"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

There is a huge difference between "telling a child" and "training a child." The Hebrew word for "train up" means "to hedge in." Picture cattle being guided into a pen. Their path is fenced so that there is only one way they can go. In John 14:6, Jesus tells his disciples: "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father but by me." It is no coincidence that "the way" was the usual New Testament word for Christianity. Those who followed Christ were known as "people of the way." We are responsible as parents and adults in children’s lives to guide our children into this way.

As we guide them into this way, it’s important to remember the way God guides us. Dennis Miller shares a story from his life.

Out of parental concern and a desire to teach our young son responsibility, we require him to phone home when he arrives at his friend’s house a few blocks away. He began to forget, however, as he grew more confident in his ability to get there without disaster befalling him.

The first time he forgot, I called to be sure he had arrived. We told him the next time it happened, he would have to come home. A few days later, however, the telephone again lay silent. I knew if he was going to learn, he would have to be punished. But I didn’t want to punish him! I went to the phone, regretting that his great time would have to be spoiled by his lack of contact with his father.

As I dialed, I prayed for wisdom. "Treat him like I treat you," the Lord seemed to say. With that, as the phone rang one time, I hung up. A few seconds later the phone rang, and it was my son.

"I’m here, Dad!"

"What took you so long to call?" I asked.

"We started playing and I forgot. But Dad, I heard the phone ring once, and I remembered."

"I’m glad you remembered," I said. "Have fun."

How often do we think of God as one who waits to punish us when we step out of line? I wonder how often he rings just once, hoping we will phone home.

I have a seminary book on preaching that begins: "The greatest problem in preaching is not the preparation of the sermon, but the preparation of the preacher." Perhaps it’s true that the greatest problem in parenting is not the preparation of the child, but the preparation of the parent. It’s hard to train up a child in the way parents don’t go themselves. Human energy alone can’t provide the results that need to happen. The fact that children make it is yet another way children show us the providence and grace of God. As adults, however, we can be proactive as we train our children in the way they should go. There are three areas of which we need to be aware: the mind, the heart, and the will.

First, the mind. The educational system of our society is geared to focus the mind’s attention on this world’s priorities, philosophies, pleasures, prosperity, principles and praise. The goal of education is to prepare children to succeed in this world, so our children study this world’s art, science, religion, heroes and idols. This is not all bad, but for us as Christians, it is simply incomplete. The goal of Christian parents must be different. Children need to fix their attention on the world to come. Do we live for the world, or do we live for the world to come? An English proverb: As the twig is bent, so grows the tree. In Genesis 4, we read of Cain’s descendants and see people living solely for this world. In Genesis 5 we read a list of Seth’s descendants and catch a glimpse of people who lived solely for the world to come. The parting of ways comes early in the Bible and must also come early in life. The Christian parent must lay a firm foundation with the Bible early on, and build on that foundation for the years to come. Since our educational system is more of a secular-humanist world-view, we need to make sure that our kids hear more of God’s Word than an hour per week in Sunday school. God designed for parents to be the primary Christian educators of their children. As Christians, our authority is the Bible. Tell the stories. Read them. Talk about them. Memorize verses together. Write a new one each week on your family bulletin board. And pray that they will wrap their minds up in God’s Word.

Second, the heart. Our kids’ emotions need to be impacted with the love of Christ. They are all born with the capacity to love, hate, laugh, cry, fear and hope. And thanks to our human condition, we can even feel contradictory emotions at the same time! How much better can we protect our children for life’s highways if they learn to fear sin, laugh and cry with others, love Christ, hope in good things, and have healthy ways of getting their emotional needs met? As a parent there is nothing I can do better than to have a church fellowship where there are people who will love my children with the love of Christ and show them that they belong. I am forever grateful to Sue Ives, Mary Feldmaier and Jan Mistele. Their leadership gives children opportunities to experience God’s love. Jesus cares for my children through the wonderful teachers and volunteers we have here. Jesus is the friend of little children. In our efforts to reach their hearts, we have a willing and wondrous ally in his Holy Spirit. Let us pray for our kids that they would give their hearts to Jesus.

Third, the will. Notice the verse says: "Train up a child in the way he should go." There are different characteristics for different children. There is the one way, Jesus, but each child walks in his or her own way. Discover God’s formula for each child. Some of us are so busy, we just know we’ve got kids. But what we need to know is the individual affirmation they each need. I’ve heard there are two kinds of kids: 75% are anti-authority, 25% are pro-authority. You have to know which is which and treat them in the right way. They say parents who are afraid to put their foot down usually have children who step on their toes.

A kindergarten in one town sat right on a corner by a busy highway. Although the school had a nice yard in which the children could play, at recess they would huddle right up against the building. The cars whizzing by frightened them. One day, workmen erected a steel fence around the schoolyard. From that point on, the children used the entire playground. The fence did not limit their freedom; it actually expanded it.

Children need fences, for they feel more secure having the discipline of clear boundaries. It is demanding, though. It’s much easier to not follow through on those boundaries. But when we do follow through, when we do take the time and focused attention that is ours to give, we can remember the whole proverb: "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

Remember it is not a promise, but a principle. It is not a blanket guarantee of anyone’s salvation; but it’s reverse is likely true: Train the child according to his evil inclinations (let him have his will) and he will continue in his evil way throughout his life. It is funny and yet frightening.

God asks more of us than to "keep them busy." God is looking for a way of life, not just a Sunday exercise. God asks us to take his Word and the children in our lives and introduce them to one another. When that toddler on the median heads for the highway, what will he take with him? When a kid leaves for college with a few suitcases, what is she taking? I pray that they will go with a mind for Christ, a heart that yearns for good, and a will that understands how to make a good choice. I pray that they will go with an understanding of the living God: that God loves them; that God has a plan for them; that God has a purpose for their life; that God sent his Son for them; and that they can choose to follow him in any decisions they make. I pray for a Bible to be in one of those suitcases, for a suitcase full of experiences of joy, fun and service to others. I pray they know that they aren’t leaving alone, but that they leave with a growing, personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Maybe you’re a youth. Maybe you’re a parent. Maybe you’re an aunt or uncle. Maybe you’re a grandparent. Maybe you are a part of your friends’ children’s lives. Whoever you may be, God wants to work in your life. Are you letting him in? Have you asked him into your heart, so that God wants to work through you in the life of a child or youth?

Lord, in many respects all of us are children before you. We thank you for your perfect love. We thank you for a safe space where we can take our children. Where youth can come and find answers. Where we can introduce people into our lives who can build us up and not tear us down. We thank you that we have a place we can gather where we can celebrate you and look to you, so that we can bring divine resources to bear when it comes to sharing all of this with our youth and children.

We pray that you would help us be diligent, that you would help us be a part of kids’ lives. Lord, we pray for understanding. Help us focus our attention on the children in our lives. Help us give them our attention. We pray, Lord, that you would help us make a difference in our lives; that they would come to know you and love you as we are learning to, that the world might be changed.

Come into our hearts in a new way. Change our lives. Help us follow you. Make us more like you. In your Son’s precious name we pray. Amen.