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In his
short story "The Capital of the World," Ernest Hemingway
tells the story of a Spanish father and his teenage son. The
relationship between this father and son became strained and
eventually shattered. When the rebellious son (whose name
was Paco) ran away from home, his father began a long and
grief-stricken search to find him. As a last resort the exhausted
father placed an ad in a Madrid newspaper, hoping that his
son would see the ad and respond to it. The ad read:
Dear
Paco,
Please
meet me in front of the newspaper office at noon. All is
forgiven.
As Hemingway
tells the story, the next day at noon, in front of the newspaper
office, there were 800 Pacos, all seeking forgiveness from
their fathers.
If love
makes the world go `round, then it's forgiveness that fuels
the engine! Are you like one of those Pacos? Are you carrying
around a load of guilt, wanting forgiveness, but not knowing
where to find it? Your Father in heaven, who is crazy in love
with you, has made the first move. God didn't place an ad;
God sent his Son to die on a Roman cross. That was what we
experienced in worship last week. God's forgiveness is something
we all need, and it is free for you and me. It's free, but
it wasn't cheap. It cost Jesus everything.
Maybe
you're like the father in the story. Maybe someone has put
you through the wringer.
Implications
Of God's Forgiveness
When Paul
writes to the church in Ephesus, he's not just giving random
practical advice. What he's doing is amplifying what God did
in Christ Jesus by bringing it to a personal level. It's as
natural to say as "Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive
those who trespass against us."
Matthew
tells us Jesus' view of forgiveness in 18:21-35.
Then
Peter came and said to him, "Lord, if another member
of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive?
As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "Not
seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.
"For
this reason the Kingdom of Heaven may be compared to a king
who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he began
the reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents was
brought to him; and, as he could not pay, his lord ordered
him to be sold, together with his wife and children and
all his possessions, and payment to be made. So the slave
fell on his knees before him, saying: "Have patience
with me, and I will pay you everything." And out of
pity for him, the lord of that slave released him and forgave
him the debt. But that same slave, as he went out, came
upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii;
and seizing him by the throat, he said: `Pay what you owe.'
Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him: `Have
patience with me, and I will pay you.' But he refused; then
he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the
debt. When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they
were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their
lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him
and said to him: `You wicked slave! I forgave you all that
debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had
mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?' And
in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he
would pay his entire debt. So my heavenly Father will also
do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother
or sister from your heart."
Just like
the slave in the parable, anger interferes with our
ability to forgive. Maybe you're holding on to the anger,
the resentment of what others have done to you. Fredrick Buechner
writes: "Of the seven deadly sins, anger is possibly
the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over
grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect
of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last
toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain
you are giving back - in many ways it is a feast fit for a
king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down
is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you."
As Christians
we are taught to avoid anger. We tend to teach "just
be patient and happy." As humans, however, we can control
our emotions about as well as we control Michigan drivers.
Let's
look at this major impediment to forgiveness: anger. There
is a point at which anger-the-emotion turns into anger-the-sin.
Emotions aren't good or bad, they just are. Even the "bad"
emotions are signals that God has given us. Fear warns us
of danger and tells us to move away. Sadness tells us that
we have lost something. Anger (the emotion) tells us there
is danger and we need to deal with it directly. The problem
is we haven't learned how to deal with anger, and our dealings
rapidly go from emotions to sin.
The Bible
deals extensively with anger as a major stumbling block. Let's
look at three ways that God gives us on how to deal with anger
so we can stop feasting on skeletons. Don't ignore it. Don't
triangulate it. And try forgiveness.
First,
don't ignore it. Anger has no concept of time, so if you've
been "putting away" your anger toward a friend or
family member, it has only built up so that when the dam breaks,
every time that person angered you will be there as you finally
confront that person.
"God
will not turn back his anger" (Job 9:13a) and neither
should we. We need to lovingly confront the issue or person
who angers us.
"God's
anger lasts a moment but his favor lasts a lifetime"
(Psalm 30:5).
"Be
angry, and yet do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your
anger" (Ephesians 4:26). The line between emotion and
sin is crossed when we ignore and hold on to our anger. Don't
ignore anger.
Second,
don't triangulate it. For example, Person A is angry at
B. But A gripes to C about Person B. C enjoys the confiding,
B is unaware of A's anger, and A and B never resolve the conflict.
This is huge. If we could stop triangulating our anger, we
could end many problems in our lives, and probably 90% of
all gossip. (And gossip is in the same list with murder in
Romans 1:29!) Proverbs 26:20 says: "For lack of wood
the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling
ceases." Isn't that beautiful?
"He
who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he
who has the flattering tongue" (Proverbs 28:23). Those
who correct another will later be liked more than those who
give false praise.
"If
when you are presenting your offering at the altar, and while
you're there you remember that your brother has something
against you, leave your offering there and go your way; first
be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your
offering" (Matthew 5:23-24). Even God doesn't want to
be Person C!
"If
your brother sins, go and reprove him in private, if
he listens to you, you have won your brother" (Matthew
18:15).
The line
between emotion and sin is crossed when we misdirect our anger,
and act untruthfully by not confronting the person we are
angry with. Don't triangulate it.
Third,
try forgiveness. When you refuse to forgive someone, you
still want something from that person, and it keeps you tied
to that person forever. For your own mental and spiritual
health, you have to let it go.
If you
don't forgive, you are demanding something from that person
that your transgressor does not choose to give, whether it's
an apology or simple acknowledgement that they hurt you. This
ties you to him or her, and anger, not forgiveness, can rule
and ruin your life.
Instead,
receive grace from God who does have something to give.
This is
difficult, especially for victims of abuse, because so much
of their identity is tied into seeing themselves as victims,
and thus tied to the transgressor and the horrible act which
violated them. The initial act was bad enough, but by looking
for restitution, even just the acknowledgement that it happened
from the aggressor, that initial act gets turned into so much
more; and anger can rule your life.
In conclusion,
as Christians, we can no longer say: "I can't forgive
you." When the power of God's forgiveness rules our lives,
we can no longer say: "I can't forgive." When we
have the mind of Christ, when we say "I can't forgive,"
what we are really saying is: "I refuse to forgive you."
What if God chose to say to us: "I can't forgive you,"
or "I refuse to forgive you?"
When we
know how to be angry and not sin, we can be vessels for God's
transforming love and forgiveness. There is plenty of evil
in the world to be angry at. Violence, war, injustice, racism,
and crime are rampant in our communities alone. We do
need to be angry, but then we need to move to forgiveness.
Don't
be a skeleton feeding on your own flesh. Find the freedom
of forgiveness that God offers, which we can give others.
As we take time in a moment to commune with God, allow God
to bring to mind those whom you need to forgive. In these
moments of silence as a part of communion, look in your heart.
Make your peace with God, then ask God to search your heart
and help you see where you are refusing to forgive.
Let God's
forgiveness empower you to break those chains that hold you
down. As God forgave, so may we. Amen.
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